Oh, Deer

Anthony spent every available second in his beloved woods on one of the family farms. Much of that time was spent cultivating a habitat for deer, turkeys and other wildlife.  He invested so much time and energy to this effort during the 19 plus years we were married.  

Anthony was very involved in the local chapter of Whitetails Unlimited for many years and up until his death.  One of his best friends, Dan Vogt, is their field director.  Whitetails Unlimited is a great organization.  

According to their website:

Whitetails Unlimited is the nation's premier nonprofit whitetail (deer) organization. Our mission is to raise funds in support of educational programs, wildlife habitat enhancement and acquisition, and the preservation of the shooting sports and hunting tradition for future generations.

Each year in late February or early March, Whitetails Unlimited holds their Deer Camp. The event always sells out quickly and is one of the top grossing annual Whitetails Unlimited events in the country.  It is the place to be if you are a dedicated deer hunter. Anthony was one of the key volunteers working alongside Dan to plan and execute the event. Planning began as soon as one event ended and was ongoing.  When Deer Camp arrived, Anthony spent the day helping with set up, was there every step of the way with the silent and live auctions and anything else that needed doing, then stayed after to tear down and clean up. It was time spent doing something beneficial for his beloved deer and it was time spent with good friends, including Dan, David Westmoreland, John Jones and others.  Our son, Ben, helped with set up for a number of years, as well.

Anthony always had a table at Deer Camp, front and center.  Besides us and the kids the remaining four seats were offered to friends.  Much of the time he had a second table, too, with an aim of filling it with people who cared about the cause and hopefully would be willing to part with some of their money that evening.

Dan Vogt is married to the beautiful Michelle.  They were our first close friends as a couple. Anthony and I met two months before they got married.  When he invited me to their wedding I knew that it would be our official debut as a couple with many of his friends. Before kids came along, Michelle and I used to spend more time together.  We had so much fun in those carefree days.  And we still have fun in our rare times together, as though no time has passed at all. 

Dan, Michelle, Anthony and I spent many good times together.  Anthony and I eventually introduced his friend Rob Seymour to my friend Greta Bassett and they were inseparable pretty much from that first meeting.  Eventually they got married and have now been together for well over a decade.   

The six of us became great friends.  We not only met often for dinner but traveled together to Mizzou football games and on floating and boating trips.  We looked forward to our get-togethers because we always knew there would be laughter.  So much laughter.  I cherish those days and miss them now.  

Anthony was a really, really funny person.  He might seem quiet around people he did not know well but around his friends and family he had us laughing constantly.  He was incredibly witty and was known for throwing a hilarious comment into a conversation when you least expected it.  One of his favorite sayings among friends was that "In certain circles I am a pretty big deal," and laughter would always follow.  And it actually was funny because he was not conceited in the least. But it spoke to his sense of humor and his ability to quote his favorite movies.

The big deal comment was first made when we were on a weekend trip with Dan, Michelle, Rob and Greta. And that was it.  That comment followed Anthony around from that point forward.  On our next weekend adventure Dan and Michelle presented Anthony with a t-shirt that read in big letters, of course, In Certain Circles I am a Pretty Big Deal. That inside joke followed Anthony for years after and we laughed about it every time it came up.  

Fast forward to the 2017 Deer Camp, just two months after Anthony died. It was held the day after Ben's 18th birthday.  So much of that time was a blur.  I knew it would be hard to go to the banquet, that the lack of Anthony's presence would be a hard blow.  I was unsure if I was prepared to face that many people in one room but even more I was unsure I could keep my emotions in check with people either expressing their sympathy or just wanting to talk about him.  Most of all, I was afraid to see pity on people's faces when they looked at the kids and me.  The sympathetic looks I can handle but the looks of pity directed at me, not so much.  

As they have been from my first day in the woods, my Golden Girls were by my side. There were tears for sure but there was also laughter and story telling and goodness.  I felt that many of the 800+ people in the room shared our sorrow and genuinely missed Anthony's presence.  

There were a few surprises in store for us that evening.  When we arrived, we were seated at, what else, the Big Deal table.  Every year a glass mug with the Whitetails Unlimited logo is offered for sale for anyone wanting to drink beer or soda.  But this time the mug contained a quote on the other side - "In Certain Circles I am a Pretty Big Deal."  We brought along poster sized photos of Anthony that had been used for the funeral, including the one of him in the infamous Big Deal t-shirt complete with that big, familiar grin.

The next surprise was learning that items were being auctioned off in Anthony's memory, with proceeds to benefit the college fund I had just established for both kids.  Renowned artist Larry Glaze of Carthage, Missouri, made and donated a bench that brought over $3,000.  Each year a scholarship is presented to outstanding students each and, another surprise, this time it was presented to Ben and Kate.  Buckets were also passed through the audience for anyone who wanted to contribute, as well.  

All in all, we left the 2017 Deer Camp with almost $15,000 in contributions for the Lopez Scholarship Fund.  I could not believe it.  In truth, I was completely overwhelmed by the generosity that Anthony and our children had been shown.  

Fast forward again to the 2018 Deer Camp.  The kids and I were in a totally different place emotionally than we had been the year before.  We had one of these events under our belts and while Anthony's presence loomed large and his absence was definitely felt, it was much easier to endure.  This time we could approach the event without fear of the unknown and without so many tears but instead replacing those tears with smiles and expressions of gratitude.  This time we treated the event as more a celebration of Anthony than a mournful occasion.  

We were again seated at the Big Deal table and the Golden Girls were present along with other good friends.  The event fell on Ben's 19th birthday this time. As a surprise, Dan led the entire room in singing happy birthday to him.  Again this year, Larry Glaze made and donated a one-of-a-kind table for the live auction and buckets were passed for contributions.   

To date, the Whitetails Unlimited organization, through Columbia's annual Deer Camp, has raised and donated over $20,000 to the Lopez Scholarship Fund.  Absolutely incredible. In addition to Dan, Michelle, David and John, special thanks to Jeff Lampe and his family for making an annual scholarship possible to deserving students.  Extra special thanks to the phenomenal Cathy Rupard and Stan Fredrick.  Cathy and Stan, there may not be two more generous souls on this earth than the two of you.  

When someone close to you dies, especially when it is sudden, it is difficult to express in words all of the changes that occur.  And you cannot truly understand it unless it happens to you.  While I know that Anthony was loved and respected by many people, I never would have expected the generosity we have experienced. In some cases it has been from people we knew well and in some cases it has been from people we have never met.  In some cases the generosity has been completely anonymous.  Regardless, it has been humbling and it has offered us tremendous hope.  

There will never be enough ways for us to offer our gratitude and appreciation to every person who made a gift to the scholarship fund in Anthony's memory.  Perhaps the best way to sum it up is to let these people know how their gifts have been used.  Ben is now in his second semester at the University of Missouri but he finished his first semester as a new freshman with a 3.5 GPA.  All indications are good that he will repeat that this semester. We taught him to take his education seriously, of course, but he has worked even harder at his studies because of his appreciation to those who invested in his education and that of his sister.

Resources allocated to education are a wise investment.  Giving to Whitetails Unlimited is a pretty terrific investment, as well.  And I know, because I have directly experienced the impact of both.  Giving is good.  We reap far more in return for what we give than for what we receive.

All of this because of a funny, witty, hard-working, well-respected, genuine and one-of-a-kind guy named Anthony Lopez.  In our circle, and in the circles of so many, you will forever be a big deal.  May you continue to rest in peace and know that you, and your many contributions, will never be forgotten.

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

--Winston Churchill  

I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal.

--Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy, Anchorman